Misandry exists

Hello all- this is an egalitarian blog where I try to advocate for equality, so what I want to discuss today is something that often gets overlooked, sometimes people flippantly dismiss it and say that it doesn't exist. Misandry (this will be an ongoing blog post where I'll constantly be updating it with new examples regularly)

People deny that it exists, but it does. If you call out this misandry, people may label you as a misogynist. Calling out misandry doesn't make you a misogynist- both misandry and misogyny are issues worth tackling.

This will be a controversial one I know, but it shouldn't be- this is just being against sexism, no matter what direction it comes from. Sexism isn't a one-way street- it happens both ways.

For those who don't know what misandry is, it's being prejudiced towards or hating on men, so a misandrist is somebody who (like a misogynist) demonises a whole subset of people on the basis of their gender. And just like how us ladies have to face unfair stereotypes and biases, men deal with their own set of nonsense too. Misandry= hatred of men, misogyny= hatred of women. A lot of people try to fight misogyny with misandry, or try to fight misandry with misogyny, and that's just not healthy.

For example, there's this stereotype that men have to be these tough emotionless machines (and some people will use the phrase 'man up' towards them if they're not)- that's just one of the negative biases that society thrusts upon men- society expects men to never show emotions or vulnerability, which is just ridiculous, because they have feelings too. Even then, many of those who encourage men to open about their fragilities, their weaknesses, their insecurities etc, will then use 'weak', 'fragile', or 'insecure' as insults towards them.... it's ironic- one minute it's "men, it's OK to be vulnerable and open up about your insecurities", and then the second a man does just that, it becomes "why are you being so fragile and weak?". It's no wonder so many struggle with opening up about their feelings, we're sending very mixed messages towards them. One minute it's encouraged for them to open about their insecurities; the next minute we use "insecure" as an insult towards them. One minute we want to dismantle the stereotype that "men should be tough", the next minute we reinforce that stereotype by calling men who've opened up 'weak' (even though we've just told them that it's OK to be open about their weaknesses). This happens in school settings a lot, any boys who don't show that traditionally 'masculine' behaviour that their peers show get bullied for being different. Some might argue "but the bullying comes from other boys", which may be true, but does that really actually matter? Sometimes a victim and a perpetrator share the same gender- is a victim's experience worth less because they happen to share the same genitals as their perpetrator?

Then when topics like abuse are discussed- you see men come forward with their stories online, and some try and treat it as a competition by saying "sorry this happened to you but it happens to women more", dismissing that victim's experience by saying 'well mine was worse than yours' is just extremely childish. If you're going to turn a discussion about abuse into the whole 'other people have it worse' argument- that's a disgrace. And when it comes to abuse cases, even when the man is the victim, misandrists will always side with the woman, and try to come up for a justification for why a woman might abuse a man ("how do you know she wasn't acting in self-defense?"- it's an interesting point, but it's a point that nobody ever makes when the shoe is on the other foot- when a man is accused of abusing a woman, people make assumptions that he's guilty automatically; but when a woman is accused of abusing a man it's "she was probably just acting in self-defence"- that attitude is probably why a lot of men don't report being abused- they're worried that their abuser may twist it on its head and say "I was only defending myself)- it's the attitude that no matter what a man does he's always this big evil predator, and no matter what a woman does she's always a sweet helpless victim that annoys me to no end. To misandrists, women are innocent until proven guilty, and men are guilty until proven innocent (just like to misogynists, men are innocent until proven guilty and women are guilty until proven innocent)- but even once a verdict is reached, misandrists *still* try and come up with examples as to how it's the "wrong" verdict ("she can't be guilty for abusing a man- men deserve to be abused", or  "he can't be innocent- he's a man and men are inherently evil").  

And when it comes to abuse- there is an immense double standard- abuse has no gender- abusers have genders yes, but abuse as a whole doesn't. Anybody, regardless of gender, can be a victim of abuse, and anybody, regardless of gender can be a perpetrator. Whether it's domestic violence, emotional abuse, sexual assault- these are all forms of abuse that can affect individuals of any gender- whether it's male-on-male, male-on-female, female-on-male, or female-on-female, it's disgraceful. But misandrists see male-on-female abuse as disgraceful, and see female-on-male abuse as justified (some will even think the latter is "empowering"). I can't support that mindset. Judge the issue, not the gender. When somebody brings up male abuse victims, there's the whole "b-but men are abused by other men"- so what? Is a victim somehow less important because they share the same gender as their perpetrator?

If you're a woman who tries to call out misandry, you'll get shut down and labelled as a "pick me" (people try to imply that the only reason you care about men is because you're trying to win male approval, and get men to "pick you")- shutting people's points down with name-calling like that is silencing people's legitimate concerns. And also, surely labelling a woman that has an opinion that differs from the status quo as a 'pick-me' is extremely misogynistic? I already know that some might call me a 'pick-me' for this blog talking about men... but in referring to a woman as a pick-me, that implies that women who have different opinions to you (such scandalous opinions as "men are human beings- treat them as such") are only possessing and expressing those opinions for male approval. By using the phrase 'pick me', you're implying that us women are incapable of forming our own opinions and coming to our own conclusions unless we're trying to impress a man. And that the only reason we can be opinionated is because we're begging for male attention. You're also coming to the assumption that we specifically crave male attention all the time... yet you don't realise how misogynistic you're being when you say that. Because if anything, this blog is aimed at other women- the women who exhibit those misandrist attitudes, to try and educate them about why those attitudes are harmful. 

Acknowledging that misandry exists doesn't mean we're taking anything away from the fight for women's rights- it's just about realising that gender biases can affect *everyone*- let's strive for a world where both men and women can get along with each other. There will always be bad eggs along the way, but to blame an entire gender for those bad eggs isn't healthy, especially because the majority of people are just minding their own business and trying to get along with their lives. Misandry is more than just a buzzword- it's a complex issue rooted in harmful stereotypes. Whilst it might not be as well-known as misogyny, it's there, and it should be called out. In the current world however, it's embraced, in spaces that are otherwise progressive. If you simply say that misandry exists, all of a sudden you're a right-wing misogynistic bigot. There are a lot of genuine right-wing misogynistic bigots, yes. But saying 'misandry exists' doesn't make you one.

I have a number of screenshots from social media where those who are peddling ridiculous misandrist talking points about men are getting hundreds and thousands of likes for it.

These are some disgraceful comments that were celebrating the male suicide rate:

And they're only a small selection of those- honestly, they're some of the more mild tweets. More to come soon- it genuinely breaks my heart reading these tweets.

And here are some examples of hypocritical mindset exhibited by misandrists.

- They'll encourage men to open about their vulnerabilities and then mock them for being 'fragile' or 'weak'.

- They'll advocate for gender equality, whilst trying to demonise men collectively as being dangerous.

- They'll criticise traditional gender roles and them impose those traditional gender roles on men. For example, they'll criticise the fact that men are conditioned into being stoic... then when that man expresses emotion, they'll reprimand him for doing so.

- They'll rightly call for empathy and understanding for women's struggles, whilst minimising men's struggles.

- They'll use the sexist term "pick me" to silence women who disagree with them.

- They'll view woman as innocent until proven guilty; men as guilty until proven innocent. And even after the verdict is reach, plenty of them still have that stereotype of man= bad, woman= good instilled into them.

- They'll treat men as a monolith and attribute collective guilt to them. (My best friend is a man, and he's the person I trust more than anybody in the world- he's had a lot of mental health struggles, but according to misandrists who make mass generalisations about men, he's responsible for other men's crimes and he caused his own suffering.... you see how ridiculous it is now?)

- They'll celebrate women's independence ("I don't need no partner") as empowering, whilst mocking men who lack partners as 'losers'... even though they said there's no shame in not having a partner, it's still something that they decide mock men for, so they contradict their own logic.

And think about it this way- some of your misandry could have a devastating consequence. The men who are already struggling with their mental health, when presented with constant "I hate men" messaging, might start internalising those negative beliefs about themselves (after all, "men" are a very very large group of people- not the monolith that misandrists treat them as), which then leads those men to feel emotions such as worthlessness, hopelessness, despair. Some men might think "I don't want to live in a world where people automatically hate me solely based on my gender" and whilst misandrists might think that man is being too 'fragile' (the very trait that they also say it's OK to possess and be open about), the reality is that for those who are already teetering on the edge, the misandry holds so much emotional weight to the point that it can push them over the edge, which leads to tragic outcomes such as suicide (just in the last few weeks I've seen people celebrate the fact that most suicides are men... and they wonder why men don't open about how they're feeling? Phrases like "Men caused their own problems- why should we care?" or "men's feelings aren't important or worth caring about"- that's the rhetoric that gets thrown around- not only does that treat them as a monolithic hive mind, it also essentially tells them to 'man up' and get over it- also 'men created their own problems' is essentially saying that trans men, black men, gay men, disabled men, abused men, traumatised men etc brought their issues upon themselves...) . The relentless barrage of dehumanising posts about a particular category can make many within said category feel isolated, alienated, and it might deter them from seeking help, which means that for many, they feel there's only one way out. Suicide. And the fact that some misandrists celebrate those suicides is just disgusting. The normalisation of misandry in online circles is a disgrace (those tweets I'm talking about that dismiss male mental health, or celebrate male suicide get *thousands* of likes- sometimes over 100K likes- and that's not an exaggeration), and it leads many men to believe that suicide is the only way to escape their pain because they'll be thinking 'well, these people want me dead anyway just because I'm a man'. Do you really want to be a person who's part of driving that statistic up? Because I know I don't want to be....